Finding Forty

Intro:

As I prepare to welcome my second son into the world, I find myself living in the tension between fear and faith. This is a glimpse into the quiet, anxious prayers and steady declarations that carry me through these final weeks.

The possibility of loss and tragedy

as I await the birth of my son

haunts me.

I shove the thoughts away,

try to focus on the other possibilities.

Statistically, most people deliver babies without tragedy.

I plead—

with God,

with the universe,

with my body,

with my ancestors,

with the child growing within me—

for everything to go well.

I need to drink more water,

eat more vegetables,

walk more often,

breathe more deeply.

Instead, I rush to

reorganize the house,

decorate the nursery,

complete the tasks left undone

since the birth of my first.

I know it’s all going to be okay.

I know he’s going to be perfect—

and our hearts will radiate love and excitement.

The fears will fade.

The finances will work themselves out.

The fun will unfold.

I declare it so…

so I know.